


Quartz

by QueenKelli



Category: Original Work
Genre: I hate tagging, If you really want replace the characters, It's poetic and mine and I hope you enjoy it, M/M, OCM - Freeform, Original Character(s), sexual context, smut at some point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-15 23:17:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14151495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenKelli/pseuds/QueenKelli
Summary: Cain knew struggle. War was a struggle, life was a struggle, but maybe being stationed in France made it easier. It was simple and it made him feel like there was something more than war.Saul was more than war.He would realize that when he would stare across his window and watch him every day until he realized that life was more than the war he witnessed and the one left behind inside of him.





	Quartz

War was hard, Cain learned that in bomb shelters and bags of cement stacked up against empty fields and he wonders if he asked nice enough to be stationed somewhere else, they would take pity on his soul and do just that, to get away from the explosions that echo in the very back of his mind for nights and days and cause the restlessness in his sleep. 

(They do re-station him too, because nights and nights of him politely begging turned into days and days of him crying and questioning if he was a good person anymore or not.)

France is beautiful. It's bright and beautiful and somehow Cain thinks he can finally breathe for the first time in so fucking long. He feels age at his fingertips and he's only 20 and seen too much. Too much too much for someone who was only 20 years old and couldn't even have a sip of alcohol yet. 

The legal drinking limit in France is 18 anyways, so when they station him in a simple town with simple houses and simple wine, he takes it, and drinks in moderation (until he gets home and passes out in his bathtub scratching his arms because he can't get rid of the feeling of blood on his skin, it's there it's there and it's real).

 

Cain was quick to befriend. It was the same city street with the same shops and the same neighbors in the small place he was staying. They came in ugly oranges and reds and greens and it really was disgusting, but he stands in an alleyway with a cat in his arms and clotheslines hanging between the two buildings and he sees a flash of pink, and his curiosity gets the best of him as it always does, and he tries to peek behind flower beds in window sills and sheets to find them. 

(He doesn't that night, instead he lies in bed with his new furry friend, and all he can think of is pink. Pink soft hair and pale skin and he wonders if he could guess where they lived, and just deems them dreams. Dreams he could never manage to reach and sighs into his comforter that smells like flowers and he considers making a flower bed on his windowsill too).

Days pass and he somehow befriends some kids running down the street every day and tosses balls with them and tells them some friendly stories he has and talks in his accent while their mothers stand by and watch with enamored eyes and wishing their husbands were more like him, and he looks up. He looks up and he feels like his heart may just jump right out his chest. Like he was about to take a tumble right on the street and bleed out when he see's pink hair and pale skin. 

Cain stares. He stares because he can. He stares because he feels like he might die if he doesn't, even if care if he's caught staring (he is, they make eye contact) and his eyes are bright and pink like fucking star dust and he thinks he wants to throw up. He just might throw up and spill his organs on the floor and try to give it to the person and Cain smiles. He smiles like the sun and his blonde hair tousled and a little bit longer, but his freckles are like stars scattered under the soft tan of his skin, and they stare. They stare and stare and he thinks time has stopped and Cain doesn't want to say love.

(But he says fate instead and everything works out better.)

 

He's coming back from the smallest of flower shops tucked between a grocery store and a bakery and plans out the bed. His window is open and he can start to feel the spring warmth against his skin and the wind brush past his hair. There's pots there already as he grabs handfuls of soil to start to plant them in there, smoothing the surface and picking single seeds and pushing them down with his finger. In the distance, he can hear the flapping of linens and sheets, his eyes careful to look up and god he's in heaven. Stars have aligned just for him and he feels utterly and completely breathless at the sigh before him. 

There's tousled pink hair that ran long behind pale ears and bright pink eyes that looked a bit hazy and he sighs as the gorgeous soft eyes look up and they meet. They meet and his heart is ready to jump right out his chest and tuck itself right in his bed of soil to plant an entire garden of fucking roses. 

He gets a smile, a smile that makes his chest ache and Cain has no other option to smile and laugh back and wave and god, fate was more than a word that he says in the back of his thoughts now.

 

 

It's daily. After his rounds and taking orders from his superior and hanging around street corners with ice cream dripping down his hand and laughing with the local kids and passing by to pick up more seeds, he gets to his apartment and opens his window and is met with fire. Burning flaming hot fire that stirs in his core and he can't help but smile as he digs his seeds into the bed. This part of France was small. Pipes were small and washing machines weren't all too common. Cain cleaned his things by giving them to a woman downstairs who was more than happy to do it for him (in return, he visited her child who lacked a father and gave her dreams to sleep at night and kissed her forehead and had her soar in the air like she was flying and the woman appreciated it). 

The windows on either side are open, and even though he can't see the soft pink hues and pale skin of his neighbor as he digs seeds into the bed and waters it, he can see the faint glow in the darkness of the room. His fate scrubbing clothes in a tin with soap and for a second, he thinks he looks over, and catches his eye (he looks so mystic, the way those pink eyes would glow in the dark and look like a fucking painting drew Cain mad. He didn't smile back, in fact, all he did was stare. All they did was stare, stare and stare until he's forced to pull his eyes away and smile to himself and close the window.)

He's always excited to see pink eyes looking his way and is desperate for more. Fate is far too kind, far, far too kind when he's in the flower shop talking up the woman there in his broken French and half English. He can somewhat understand the language and the story she tells is hilarious when the bell rings, and both of them look over and Cain cranes his head. He cranes his head and feels like everything moves so much slower when he sees pink hair pink eyes and pale skin walk in.

"Poppy seeds." He says, and God it was a first. He can't tell very well, but he knows he has the most beautiful voice ever with the most subtle accent ever and he can tell he knows English and Cain has no choice but to stand there with a packet of seeds on the counter as he get's a smirk (a fucking smirk) thrown his way and he thinks he's sinking into the floor and his balls squeeze tight (was it possible to orgasm from someone saying poppy seeds?) and they stare. They stare and stare and the other is more subtle but Cain isn't. 

He stares and stares and stares at pink eyes until he realizes they have left the store, and he's quick to ring up his own seeds and run after him. 

There's a park on the corner of the shops he catches pink hair and pink eyes and pale skin at. He's sitting on a bench feeding birds that pass by with the seeds (are poppy seeds even good for birds?) and wishes he had more self control not to sit next to him. But he doesn't. Cain knew no self control. He was bold and confident and war hadn't changed that about him. 

They sit together in a silence. Pink hair and pink eyes and pale skin doesn't look his way but all Cain can do is stare, stare and stare until he realizes he shouldn't and looks at the birds. 

There's a laugh that echoes next to him and god his stomach twists and turns and he's sure it's joined a circus. There's a laugh and he finally turns and catches pink eyes staring back at him, and for a second he doesn't expect it, he doesn't expect a conversation until he's caught in one. 

"Do you always stare at people or is it just the one's you live near?"

And Cain can't stop laughing and he can't stop talking and he can't stop staring. His hands move and his body quakes with laughter running up his chest and throat and choking the air between the two and he still catches a glimpse of that fucking smirk. 

 

It's a eventful walk home. They walk back to the apartments and Cain forgets to report to his superior and Saul (yes, Saul) asks him questions about the army. He asks questions Cain almost forgets the answers to. He's learned to forget sometimes, he forgets by planting seeds in the garden and pink eyes and children he's somehow befriended. He's somehow forgotten and kept his hair longer and mentions it simple and plain. 

There were many stories to be told but he smiles and it's weary and tired and he doesn't forget how tired war makes him, so he keeps that to himself. 

When they part Cain goes back to his apartment. Goes back up the steps and greets the people in the complex he's grown to love. It's been about 9 months and he's so sure he knows everyone by name and their stories and they know him by his name and stories and always catch them mocking his accent. He goes up and kisses kids good night and gives them dreams and goes up to his own apartment and goes to set the poppy seeds down by the windowsill and he catches a glimpse of pink hair and pink eyes and pale skin and Saul with linens in his hand, just taken down, and they smile. They smile at each other and it makes Cain forget the harsh war and the burdens he carries and thinks he can have a simple life. 

 

He wakes up screaming and breathing heavy and hot at night and stumbles out of bed scratching his arms under the shower head of cold, cold water that bites at him. 

(No, war was never forgotten, that he will never forget.)

 

They open the window and talk. His flowers are blooming and blossoming and Saul doesn't have enough sheets to wash, so they just talk about their lives and days and drama. Saul comments on his accent and practically makes fun of it. He isn't the kindest, Cain noticed that for sure. He isn't the kindest but he can tell his pink eyes go so soft when they speak and when Cain is far too nice to him to attempt to show anything that strays from kindness. 

Saul suggests a walk, and Cain agrees. 

They walk like lovers and it sends chills up his spine. It get's the wives in the neighborhood talking and Cain isn't sure he minds too much. They walk and talk and he feels their heat radiating off one another like bright bright suns in the summertime. Like global warming (it's so dangerous but feels so good). 

Cain mentions his hair and Saul grins and tells him how he cuts his own hair. It's how they run back to Saul's apartment with milk, eggs and bread and giddy laughter like school girls (he didn't need a haircut, but it was a damn good excuse to see the inside of Saul's apartment save the soft glow and darkness he can see from his own room).

 

It's so dark, that's the first thing Cain notes. It's dark and gloomy and there's only one light hidden behind a lamp and newspapers cluttered around and clippings and a cat meows at him and all Cain can do is laugh and sit down and pet the cat while he takes his cap off and feels his hair curl around his neck. It curls and Saul says he wishes he was a blonde and Cain laughs and hears scissors snip around his head. 

"Ya got pink hair! You can damn well be any kinda hair color you want if ya got the right dye." And Saul laughs and agrees. 

 

It's unexpected, and late, and Cain makes a comment about how his legs were too heavy to walk down and up stairs, so Saul pulls out the sofa and fiddles with his tiny TV and suggests they sit down. They don't even pay attention to the TV, the sounds of reruns humming in the background and Saul asks about America and before the war and he's happy to share. 

He tells him stories of living on a farm in Georgia and living with his brother and mother and father and cows and horses and pigs and chickens. He tells him how his brother was always getting on his nerves and how they shared a room and Abel would push him off the top bunk to watch Cain topple on the floor wheezing and they would wrestle until his mother opened the door, accent heavy as she scolded the two and forced them up to clean the horse stables. 

He tells him hunting stories and pauses to see if Saul is grossed out like the majority of people are when he mentions it (he isn't. In fact, he just looks so much more interested). He tells stories of him manhandling farm equipment and his 9 toes and takes his socks off to show him the missing pinkie toe and they laugh and laugh until they fall asleep on the couch like boys should and it's warm. It's so warm and comforting and he feels safe for the first time in a long time. 

\--

He's been in France for two years. Two entire years and he's read so many books on French he feels oddly fluent in it. Things have fallen into an odd pattern and he isn't sure he hates it. Cain craves it, having something stable in his life. It's incredible and he feels like it's the first time he can breathe in the longest time. 

Saul has essentially moved in. He still has the apartment across the streets and is sheepish in the cutest way when Cain asks if he really needs that many sheets (he didn't. He bought more over time to keep catching Cain in the window, which proceeded to Saul, calling out Cain for having an overflowing flowerbed, and they laugh and laugh until their lungs explode and he wonders where he's been his life.)

He finally runs out of excuses when Winter gets harsh. It's cold and freezing and it feels like his fingers and nose may fall off. Saul no longer hangs his clothes on the lines outside from the snow that falls and the ice that coats them, and all of Cain's flowers die and it gets quiet. It was the start of something else, something else which was Saul's knuckles banging on Cain's door until he enters and loves the cozy warmness it emits and the cozy warmness he emits and everything feels right. 

Cain learns Saul is a real trouble maker. 

He doesn't hear it from Saul. There's small hints he gives off and Cain grows suspicious. It's the day he's climbing up the steps to visit him and he gets stopped. He's recognized and his face heats up and he laughs and hears horror stories of Saul. Saul who made loud noises playing crazy old French music on a record player and sang to the top of his lungs during laundry and used up all the hot water in the building and leaked toilets and left things in the hallway and scared the children. 

Cain confronts him and Saul gets defensive. He get's defensive and it almost hurts the blonde until he tells him he doesn't care. He doesn't care and laughs and laughs and they hold each other and Saul plays his old French music way too loud and is flushed against Cain's tan chest and the heater is loud when it runs and Saul feels so embarrassed but Cain knows he loves it. He loves the feeling of being held and being warm and feeling safe. 

He knows because Cain felt the same exact way. 

 

Winter is harsh and he knows he's said it before. But he doesn't realize how harsh it is until his TV is barely working and he can't see out his window cause the sky is dim and dark and tempête de neige shows up. And he stands up quick. The snow is hard and harsh and he grabs his things. His coat and runs down the stairs because if he doesn't know, he'll get trapped. 

Blizzard.

Now it was Cain who's knuckles were quick against Saul's door. An odd pale with freckles scattering it and he doesn't even wait for a response. He knows the French moron never locks his door and Cain walks in, closes it, and locks it proper. 

"Saul? Saul?"

He calls a couple of times, and there's a shiver down his spine as he peeks around the corner, and it's oddly freezing in the apartment. The heater is chilly and seems to fail on them as he looks around the small home. He doesn't know where Saul is and panic is almost rising in his throat to choke him out like a noose until he goes into the bedroom and opens the closet, and there he was. There he was. Pink hair and pink eyes and pale skin, curled in the edge of the corner with blankets and covers and jackets and sweaters and mittens and socks as he looks over, shivering. 

"Heater broke."

Cain sighs, a hand over his chest and he laughs. He laughs and it sounds a bit wicked and bitter and he runs his hands through his hair and exhales his life out his lungs and onto the floor and just smiles. He smiles soft and leans in and brushes away soft pink hair, crouched down and just smiles some more and kisses his temple. 

"I'll fix it. I'll fix it now."

For a second, he forgets he's talking about a heater, and sits there crouched for a couple more longing seconds before he gets up, and Saul follows to watch. Cain shuffles around and is careful with his fingers as he figures out how to fix it, and realizes it wasn't connected to the gas pipe. He turns it off and reconnects it and flips it back on and it whirrs to life. Soft gentle sounds that echo as the sound of the storm hit against the window and Cain goes over to cover it up to protect themselves. To protect Saul as he shivers and he see's pink hair sprawled out on the couch and a comforter half on him. It was an invite, and Cain slips off his shoes, crawls on top of Saul, covers himself in the comforter, and rests. 

 

The storm doesn't pass for a while. He thinks they're at the very end of it. The window bangs and the heater whirs and the record scratches with the soft music, and Cain is the one on his back. He's bigger and Saul tells him how fucking warm he is and it's fucking delicious. The comforter is draped over them and tucks them in and Cain realizes something. He realizes something when his fingers trace the small of Saul's back and he feels arms draped over his shoulders and fingers in his blonde hair that none of them have admitted anything. 

It was an automatic connection, he wants to say. His eyes look over and they're captures in pink eyes and they stare at each other before he realizes Saul is speaking. 

"You have fucking beautiful eyes. You know that? They're like storm clouds or some shit. Like--" 

"Like Quartz." Cain finishes and smiles and continues. "Abel would always say storm clouds, cause they grey so you gotta think of 'em first. But Momma would always tell me I got eyes like quartz crystals. You know? They a clear crystal. Her favorite. Got my eyes from her too." 

He shares, and Saul listens. He listens like he's waiting for more and Cain gives him more. Cain talks about details of things that he's probably already mentioned until Saul stops him cold. 

"Why don't you talk about Iraq?"

Because Iraq was not a nostalgic tale, he thinks. Cain freezes and looks at the ceiling and gets nervous. His body shifts and he bites his lip and Saul sighs. He sighs because he asks this a lot and Cain would always shift and sigh and not answer, so he's caught off guard when Cain speaks. 

"Everyone in my family's in the army. Pa was, Gran-pa was. Abel was." There's a soft pause in his words, and Saul looks at him expectedly and Cain can't quite meet his eyes yet. 

"Abel was in Afghanistan when I was in Iraq. We're only two years apart ya know? I was stationed front lines right off the bat, cause I was good an' they knew it. So we and my squad and captain would troll the streets and we'd go through them towns and look around for people.

"We saw kids starvin' and women lookin' dead already. I think I cried every day for the first week and then had to get over it. Couldn't be out around cryin' now. Had to fight, or else what good was I?" Cain laughs and it's kind of bitter and Saul doesn't stop staring and Cain doesn't stop staring at the ceiling. 

"Our camp was raided a bit after that. A bomb went right off next to us, blew the six guys in that tent next to us right up. Blood everywhere and I caught a limb when I went out. War in them movies kinda tell you how it is. We ain't got time to react, so if you slow on jus' about anythin', that's it. An' at first, all yer thinkin' is not dyin', and you'll do anythin' to stay alive. So I went and did. Grabbed my gun and went off with my squad and we shot at the enemies."

He only had a T-Shirt on, and even though Saul pressed his chest to Cain's, it didn't stop his hand from riding up his side, right up to his ribs as he presses to the bullet wound he had. 

"I was 19 an everythin' was changin' so fast. I couldn't hear. Flash grenades an' all goin' off. It was such a blur. Now I hear screamin' and I wish that was it. If it was I probably coulda moved on. But then we passed by some villas an' caught ourself with a family. Two sweet girls and their mother an' a husband. Now he was a terrorist and apparently held some meetin's there. So we raided in. We went in and I remember my orders clear as day. It had just been me and another pal of mine, if too many of us went, coulda compromised the mission.

"So we go in and start shootin'. We shoot and they ain't got time to react and all I see are their bodies all over the floor and blood and I'll close my eyes and shower until my skin falls off cause I got blood all over me and my clothes and I walked out like Carrie."

Cain doesn't take notice of his shaky voice or the tears that welt in his eyes and stream down his face until Saul is wiping them off and he feels like the air is leaving his lungs too fast. Too fast and he's falling and falling and hiccups and cries. He cries his heart out and screams and sobs and clutches the back of Saul's shirt because he can't breathe and cries the rest of the storm (no one can hear, at least not over the storm.)

 

It's been weeks since the storm, and for some reason, everything feels right again. Cain feels like his chest was lifted from the burden because now Saul knows. Saul knows everything and he kisses his forehead and hands and teases him and flushes under Cain's kindness and large hands that rake his sides and the curve of spine. They kiss and kiss and he doesn't even pinpoint when their lips met (i a park when it was the last day of winter and the trees were coming to life and Cain holds Saul's head in his hands and kisses him. He kisses him so fearless and soft and Saul rests his hands on his wrists and kisses him. He kisses him and finally time stops and his breathing stops and everything stops and even though he isn't breathing, he feels like he just really could, and he doesn't say it out loud, but fate pops up again and they pull away and Cain just kisses him again.)

-They're in Cain's room on his couch and the heater is too hot. Too hot and everything is too hot when Saul is straddling Cain's hips and Cain is sitting up with the soft pink shirt he has pushed up so tan skin and tan lips and kiss away the pale of his chest and ribcage. Sloppy kisses that trail his neck and collarbone and he feels hands ride up his side and pull him close and Saul rolls his head back and rolls his hips up and breathes like it's the last breath he'll ever let go of.

Everything is so hot and he Saul doesn't want it to stop. He wants to feel more and more and he almost pulls Cain's hair to tell him to hurry up. To hurry up and fuck him, but he looks down and Cain looks up and everything melts away. Cain's eyes that were big and seemingly innocent (but they weren't) and Saul knows. He knows Cain wants to savor this moment and wants to go slow and wants to be gentle and he feels at ease. Saul sighs and submits and realizes it isn't that bad. In fact, he might love it more and more when Cain leaves the softest of hickies on his body and holds him close like he's afraid to let go. 

His back is pressed against the couch and he can feel soft springs. Irritating as ever but he can't focus on springs, because his pink eyes look down and see's a sight that makes his head feel light and stomach twist and turn and he might come just from watching Cain be so fucking gentle with his body. 

Saul see's him with big grey eyes between his legs and his own shirt is pushed up and the buttons on his pants are undone and Cain is kissing right under his navel with his legs spread and his hips buck up and he moans when Cain's head rests in the crook of his thigh and he's exposed into the warmth of a mouth. Cain's mouth is on him and his fingers are gentle into the short crop of his hair as he watches him with intense eyes. 

His hips buck up every now and then, eyes rolling back into his head and he grips blonde hair and whines and Cain pulls back and he feels almost bad the fact that he just messed up his face by coming all over it, but Cain laughs, he laughs and Saul can see he's hard too in his pants, but Cain chuckles and cleans his face and lies down breathless on top of breathless Saul and he realizes he can handle the gentle care Cain gives him, even if he feels he doesn't deserve it, Cain did. 

 

The next time it's Saul's room in Saul's bed and he's somehow ended up in missionary position and Cain mumbles nervously about protection and lube and now it's Saul who laughs. He laughs and pulls Cain into a kiss while he fucks him and for a while at first, he thinks Cain's soft at this too. 

He thinks he's soft until he asks for more, and Cain really shows Saul his muscles and his scars and his time on the farm when he pushes his legs back and fucks Saul so good into the mattress he fucking drools and can't remember his name or english and mutters in french so ugly and is forced to come when Cain's fist wraps around his dick and he doesn't think he's orgasmed so good in his entire life. Cain comes into the condom and they lie there and Cain is forced to lie next to Saul or else he can't breathe. His legs don't even close because he isn't sure he can feel them and he twitches all over and Cain smiles and kisses him so sweet and Saul might cry because holy fuck he will never find a Cain. 

They fuck like that a couple other times, and are forced to get a new mattress. The neighbors have been complaining far too much from the creaking. 

-They also get more records to play to block out how loud Saul is. It scares the children. 

\--

 

Another year passes and they're in March and Cain's flowerbed is blossoming and his relationship is blossoming and he's gone through two mattresses (Cain doesn't have a budget and Saul isn't selling enough paintings, but they make it, they make it). 

Cain isn't home when the first knock happens. He's in Saul's room singing French songs he knows by heart and is 24 already and it feels like they didn't need to move anymore. They practically lived in Saul's apartment, but the closeness of their homes didn't give them much reason to change. He didn't even pay rent because the military covered it all for him. He's lying in bed and it's still early and they're naked and Saul rests on a tan chest with pink hair scattered around as Cain traces hearts on Saul's shoulder and Saul traces circles on Cain's chest. 

They stay like that until Cain has to go in and his uniform is being washed in his apartment. Saul doesn't follow because he needs to work on his own paintings. Too many which consisted of figured who looked like Cain but brutal and raw and bloody and at first, it was a sheepish reveal, but Cain smiled and smiled and sighs and looks at Saul and kisses him and tells him how fucking beautiful it was. How raw it was. 

So Cain escapes back to his apartment, and had just finished scratching a deal with the military to finish his service and probably live in the apartment after duty. They would cover it, and could arrange work after as well, and he tries to convince Saul to move into his apartment so they don't need to may for anything at all. 

He laughs to himself as he trails up the steps. His footsteps are heavy and his head was like air so he doesn't think much, he doesn't think much when he approaches his door and see's two men in uniform there holding some things he can't quiet recognize until they face him. They face him and his brothers things are in their arms and Cain suddenly feels heavy. It was iron that was stuck in his lungs and his throat and his muscles and he can't breathe or speak and everything feels like it's crumbling apart. 

The war was real, he remembers. People are still out there. He remembers that too collapsing on his hands and knees trying to savor his breath between choked sobs and yells that cause the neighbors to peek through their doors and want to provide comfort for the young boy. 

Cain very well does remember the war was real and that people were out there. But as of today, his brother was not one of them. 

 

He's released from duty early. Very early. They were sympathetic as he set the flag down with his brothers things on a coffee table he rarely uses and finds a way to breathe without passing out on the floor. He can hear soft knocking from the woman with her little girl who was turning 6 today (he remembered far too well, he was planning to get her a toy and some cake later too). He doesn't hear it. He doesn't hear knocking or anything. He doesn't hear the loud 80's pop French music from his neighbors above him. He doesn't hear the whispers of concern that circulate. He doesn't hear at all. He can only heart the sound of his rapid heartbeat in his ear drums and holds his head to the floor. 

Saul gets worried. He knows very well about this young girls birthday, but it's late and Cain has yet to show up. His feet stomp like angry ogres making his way to the apartment complex. Up the stairs and ready to yell at his boyfriend to ask him where the hell he's gone and how the fuck could he leave Saul with the bluest of balls. 

He doesn't knock, walking in and talking as he looks for Cain (the scene felt oddly nostalgic, dejá vû really hitting Saul at this moment). The shower is running and he grins a bit wicked. 

"Hey Cain you shouldn't shower when I'm not around. How else am I gonna do gross things to you?" Saul jokes as he opens the door to the bathroom and stops in his tracks cause there's blood and the mirror is broken and the curtain of the shower is on the floor with the rod that holds it up and Cain is sitting in the tub with scratches up his arms and in boxers and an American flag draped over his body. When he looks he can see a deep red and there's wine, broken wine bottle and vomit next to the toilet and it scares Saul. It fucking terrified him at the fact that Cain was the one falling apart. Cain was falling apart sitting in a bathtub drunk off his mind and hurting himself. 

Saul takes a moment and hears a few strangled words. Abel followed them many times many many times, and it takes Saul too long to figure it out. And he feels helpless, so fucking helpless as he watching his lover break before him. 

He stands there for a couple of seconds, before going to clean the floor up. He doesn't touch the tub or the inside of it or even attempt to say anything, but he brings a pillow and comforter and lies down. He lies down next to the tub with Cain's hand dangling outside the stupid porcelain shit and Saul reaches his hand up, and grabs it. (He feels Cain squeeze back. No one says anything, and they sit there and Saul thinks the best he can do is let his arm cramp for his boyfriend and they will be fine). 

 

They will not be fine. 

 

It was slow to realize, the morning after Cain picks himself up and mutters apologies. He mutters what happens and he mutters more apologize and sits in his kitchen with his head down and forgets to cook breakfast. It's so horrible to experience because Saul doesn't know how to handle it. He opens the door and some women come in and help instead, and he's relieved for them. They clean his apartment up and give him food for comfort and say prayers and the young girl comes up and Cain barely breaks a smile at her and mutters another apology. (She says it's okay and hugs Cain's leg and he rests a hand on her head and is thankful she isn't looking at him. He doesn't want her to see him cry.)

Saul feels immobilized. The women whisper and he knows they talk about how useless he is. They talk about him and his hands clench into fists and he leaves. He's told Cain so many times and confessed his love for him and he didn't need to defend it. He didn't need to hear the women talking. 

 

"Cain is a man of the war. How do you expect to take care of him when he isn't his best? I would understand if you met him before, but you met him after--"

He doesn't listen to the rest of the woman and slams the door on her face. 

Cain and him don't see each other for a while, but all Saul paints is anger and frustrations and breaks a painting and almost whimpers at how fucking useless he is. His boyfriend is dying inside and all he can do is be the victim. Brushes break and more paintings break and he lies in bed and jerks off and wipes his wet eyes cause he can't even finish cause all he thinks is Cain and Cain and it's three days before Saul pulls his ass up and goes to visit. He doesn't just visit, but his hands are clenched into fists and he climbs up those stairs with heavy feet and heavy steps again and opens the door. 

He opens the door and Cain was on the couch, wide eyed and watching French soap operas. His eyes were red and for a second, Saul wants to turn around and not deal with this. Not deal with any of this, but he knows. He knows when he breaks his own heart in two, Cain will be there to give him the glue from his own fucking chest and blood to fix it. How fucking pathetic Saul is that he couldn't return it. 

The couch is and Cain has a blanket draped over him when Saul goes over and grabs his hands and stares him dead in the eye of his quartz eyes to meet his pink ones and he speaks. 

"I am here for you. I'm fucking here because I love you so much. So I'm fucking here--"

Cain surges into a hug and grabs him and they hold each other while Cain cries. He cries and cries and Saul takes it. He takes it and holds his boyfriend and they got over this speed bump. It was difficult to be support but he will do it if he has to. Cain was so vulnerable--so timid and wasn't sure how to get over anything and it's almost awkward until he can hear the crying stop and just soft inhales and exhales and he knows Cain's asleep. He cried himself to sleep and Saul isn't afraid to love his boyfriend in every single fucking way. He isn't afraid and holds him some more and they sleep on the couch together and somehow, he knows it's fixed. They're fixed (Cain isn't, but they will get there over time, where it's dull and numb and he forgets somehow and he can't wait.)

 

A week passes by and Cain still reeks of his timid nature. He mentions to Saul a few times about going back home for a bit to be with his family, and Saul is selfish and says wait. He always says wait when Cain brings it up so Cain stops bringing it up. Besides that though, it feels normal. Cain laughs and sometimes it ends bitter on the end but he knows he deserves to be happy and gets back in the habit of his flower garden and Saul doesn't do laundry so he leeches off Cain's advantage of love from his neighbors. 

-Saul also hasn't orgasmed in a week in a half, and jerking off feels boring, and he tries to rut against Cain's thigh, who just whines and tries to finish his stupid crossword puzzle. 

Cain hadn't been interested in sex, and in a way, it worried Saul. They weren't sex beasts but it was a crucial part of any relationship. He wasn't getting any and it worried him and ended up crawling on Cain and digging his hard cock right into his thigh, that was lifted jus a bit. He looked like an animal in heat, and Cain whines again and tries to shoo Saul off of him, but his boyfriend is rutting against his thigh and bouncing on it and it makes Cain's face red as he succumbs and moves his thigh as well. 

"Baby come on can't you just put your hand on my dick or something?" And Cain is slightly flustered, the puzzle spread on his chest as he moves it to his nightstand and closes his legs. Saul takes this as an invite and is officially straddling Cain and it feels oddly like their first time where Cain was timid and Saul was hungry. 

Saul rocks his hips forward, palms pressed flat against Cain's chest as he digs his hips in, deep digs and Cain can't help but rests his large palms on Saul's hips, helping him dig in his hips as a sigh escapes his lips that sound like a moan towards the end, and Saul knew he was getting somewhere. 

He rocks his hips again and again and bites hips lips and Saul realizes he needs to take action and pulls off his shirt and reaches to grab the condoms and lube and struggles out of his pants. Cain is competent enough to shimmy out his pants and leaves his boxers on. He wasn't wearing a shirt in the first place so Saul has the thank him for that. Cain was too kind, way too kind, especially when Saul spreads some lube on his fingers to prep himself and Cain gently sets his hand on his wrists and looks sheepish when he says Saul could turn around. He isn't sure what was supposed to happen, he just figured Cain was the one who wanted to prep him this time with his fingers, but Cain never reaches for the lube. 

He doesn't reach for the lube and Saul is crouched with his ass in front of Cain and feels two hands on his ass and feels them spread and might come from what he thinks Cain is about to do. He might come when Cain actually does it. The feeling of his wet tongue pressed against him, pushing inside and Saul fists the sheets and has to bite back so many moans that threaten to rise from his mouth. He shoves his face into the mattress as Cain works him. He works him and eats him out and kicks his leg out in a short burst of pleasure when Cain's tongue brushes against his prostate. 

It doesn't last because he knows he doesn't want to come now, breathing hard into the sheets as he slowly turns around and Cain looks like an angel with cherry red lips and freckles that only seem to increase by the seasons. Saul straddles his boyfriend who's dick was dripping and hard and pulls it out his boxers to line himself up. 

There's hands on his hips while his own were on Cain's shoulders as he lowers himself. Lower and lower and bites his lip and gasps and he can hear Cain's shallow breathing as he covers himself completely. 

He rides Cain. Their bodies sweating and he rides him until he can't fucking ride him anymore and his legs give out and Cain is such a blessing to help him out and he comes all over his chest and Cain comes inside him. 

They forgot the condom and Cain apologizes and Saul kisses him and tells him to shut the fuck up when they sleep that night. 

 

It happens again a week later. Saul is realizing Cain won't be the one to initiate sex. There were times before the incident where Cain would kiss Saul and grind their hips together or ask politely cause he was horny out his mind, but now? Now it was all Saul and he was getting tired of it. 

Cain is on the couch and Saul is lying next to him, chests pressed together as he grinds there hips together. Cain is watching stupid soap operas again and Saul whines for attention on his dick and does it again. Cain does get hard against him and tells Saul he wants to finish this show, which leads to Saul confronting Cain on his lack of sexual drive. 

"Well, it's not that I don't have one..I just get too lazy to top so I don't really want to." 

Saul blinks and he barks out in laughter. Cain looks so sheepish and surprisingly small as they shift, and suddenly Saul is hovering on top of his bigger boyfriend with a wicked kind of smile as he sneaks between his legs. 

"I just realized all you do is top. Have you ever bottomed? Actually, probably not." He answers the question himself and pushes their hips together. It's rough grinding and Cain is gasping under him and he wonders what the hell Saul's been doing, and to stop depriving the man of sex. 

They strip and it's surprisingly quick. Cain looks nervous but it's blocked by the moans coming out of him. He throws his arm over his eyes and feels a bit embarrassed being as exposed like this, he really does. Especially when Saul pushes his thighs up with his hips and digs his slicked fingers inside him. Cain can't help the disgusting sounds that roll out his mouth. Saul was ruthless and his fingers were too. They were fast and curled and he goes to wrap his hand around his own dick and his hand is slapped away. 

"You can wait until I'm inside you." His tone harsh but it just makes Cain moan either way. They remember the condom as Saul rolls it on himself and aligns his cock and pushes in and Cain takes it. Cain takes all of it and Saul mutters cockslut under his breath and it makes Cain's back arch. He feels full, his entire body feels full as the thrusting starts and he's forced to cover his mouth and moan like a pathetic little virgin. His legs bounce from over Saul's shoulder and he feels alive. 

Saul doesn't even top for a long time, especially since the next day Cain is caught kissing him so sweet in the kitchen and rubs his dick on Saul's ass and tells him so many sweet things until he mutters for Saul to bend over the counter so Cain can fuck him until he learned how the fuck to actually cook a crepe.  
-

\--

 

Eventually, Saul does in fact give in, and Cain visits his hometown for a month. Saul sometimes wishes the month went by faster and wished it wasn't as lonely. Skype existed, and Saul did fumble with the stupid app for a couple couple of minutes before the minutes and hours pass and days turn into nights and it's been weeks and then, the very end of the month comes around and it's April. It's April and he's fumbling with a stupid painting commission from some upper class woman who's husband was way too interested in his art. In the short span of weeks and months, his career has somewhat kickstarted, people are buying his shit and it makes him happy. 

It makes him happy and when he hears keys fumble with the front door and it opens wide to reveal his man all scruffy and smiling, Saul can't help but jump to him, right into his arms because he knows Cain will carry him (Cain would always carry him, he will carry his weight and carry everything so Saul doesn't need to remember anymore.) 

Cain laughs and Saul is too happy to hear the sweet sound of honey in the morning that was his lovers voice. He wants so much and Cain gives him so much. He gives him so much and it makes him way too happy as they kiss and kiss (and kiss and kiss until they end up passing out on the couch before Cain can share any stories. He wants to save it because now he just wants his presence and for Cain to hold him and never let him go.)

Morning comes and their cat meows them to wake, placing her soft pink paws on the duo and digging her claws in attempts to find a comfy bed. It doesn't work out in her favor when Saul turns and she slips off and her nails really do dig in his back to keep her from falling. It was a chain reaction, Saul yelling and jumping and kneeing Cain, who grunts and pushes Saul off and grabs his chest with a wheeze. 

For a second, they groan in pain, before looking at each other and unable to hold back the laughter that rises from their throats (Saul still scowls and says it's not funny he's in serious pain, and Cain goes over and takes a look and tells him to quit crying baby.) 

 

After a while they end up just falling into a normal place. They still have their separate apartments for god knows what reason. Saul is always asking to move into Cain's place since he doesn't even pay rent and his neighbors are much kinder, to which Cain disagrees and says it wasn't his neighbors, he was just good company. 

It somehow gets to the point of the day where Saul is frustrated. He's frustrated because he wants Cain in any way he can. He wants the commitment and it frustrates him because only Cain could make him want it. Only Cain could make him want it and sometimes he feels as if there's a steady chasm growing between them over the issue. He wants to know it's real and move in together like couples do and it almost surprises him that it's him thinking this and not Cain. 

It isn't Cain because he probably knows what he wants. He's not scared. But Saul is scared if they don't move forward they won't move at all and will drift apart. 

So he catches him at the flowerbed, he catches him when the sun is blinding and April is turning into May so summer is approaching, and Saul is kind of furious but he doesn't want to lead that on (he does). He grabs Cain and pushes him and he isn't sure why he's so mad but it does make him mad. It makes him fucking furious and he confronts Cain. 

"Do you just not love me enough to want to stay with me forever?" Saul says and they sound so much more awful and ugly when he says them out loud, but he can't go back now. 

Cain pauses, freezes actually, taken back by the sudden question and shakes his head and opens his mouth to respond before Saul is at it again and he's pushing him again and he doesn't know why this is happening but it is cause he's scared and loves Cain too much. Too much for his heart to handle and too much for his emotions to handle. 

"Then why won't you let me move in? Why won't you let me commit to you? Why won't you let me prove it to you?" 

And Cain laughs. He laughs and Saul is furious and Cain just laughs some more and he stops in giggles and chuckles as he presses one of the sweetest kisses right to his lips. 

"Seriously? Well I'll tell ya. Look outside." He gestures to outside his window, where the flowerbed is after years and still is there, and he can see his apartment, linens strung over lines set to dry and Saul is confused and Cain laughs again and holds him tight from behind and kisses the shell of his ear. 

"No matter what happens between us..no matter what. If we fight, if we're hurtin', we can look out these here windows and see the people we fell in love with. I see pink hair and pink eyes and pale skin--" 

"And I'll see a boy from the war with eyes like quartz." 

 

They stare at the scene for a little while longer, just taking it all in and Cain holds him, he holds him and doesn't let go because Saul doesn't want to be let go. No. 

They never let go.


End file.
